Photo courtesy of ESshelter.com
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - THE UGLY SECRET
By NayNay2124
Domestic violence in this country affects a large portion of our population. Over 74% of people in this country know of someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. It is a subject that doesn't get much attention unless someone is brutally murdered. We hear about these stories everyday, but then we just move on with our lives without ever thinking about it again. This article is intended to bring awareness to this subject and begin to bring this conversation to the forefront.
STATISTICS
Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year. Between 100,000 and 6 million men are victims of domestic violence each year. In the United States, in a single day, 3 women and 1 man is murdered by their husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend. Domestic violence kills more women than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. Every 9 seconds a women is assaulted or beaten in the United States. These statistics should get everyone's attention. People with lower incomes (below $25K) are a 3 times higher risk than people with higher incomes (over $50K).
Domestic violence should no longer be an ugly secret. Women are the victims of this abuse much more than men, but men are also victims of abuse in relationships. Typically, men will be less likely to report this kind of abuse due to the stigma of them appearing weak, but the pain is the same for men as it is for women.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PHASES
a. The abuse of the victim - This is the phase where the offender will verbally and/or physically abuse the victim.
b. The feeling of guilt - This is the where the offender begins to feel guilty about abusing the victim. Not because they are necessarily guilty for abusing them, but feeling guilty because of the consequences that could follow for the abuse.
c. They will make excuses - At this phase the abuser will make excuses as to why the abuse happened, and more often than not, they will blame the victim. They will say the victim did or said something to cause the abuser to act violently.
d. They will act normal - The abuser will be the loving person you fell in love with, making you believe that maybe they will not abuse again. You will rationalize that maybe this was an isolated incident. They didn't really mean to hurt me. This phase is what's called the Honeymoon Phase.
c. They will start fantasizing and planning- The abuser will begin to fantasize about the next time you make them angry, even planning the next time in their mind. The next time is usually going to be more violent than the last time.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence understand that there is a way out. You do not have to continue to be abused. The way out may not be easy, but you can find your way to safety. Some things to be mindful of are that when you threaten to leave an abuser, the violence can be dangerous even deadly. If you do decide to leave, make sure you plan your escape in a way to protect yourself from further abuse or possible death. Try not to tell too many people your plans. Keep your future whereabouts on a need to know basis. If you are afraid of what might happen when you leave, you may want to check with your local court and see if you can file a restraining order to keep the abuser away from you. After you leave, do not agree to meet with the abuser. They will sometimes try to get you alone, but do not fall for that. This could be a matter of life and death.
Being a victim of domestic violence can be a scary and lonely experience, but just realize that there are many women across the country experiencing the same thing you are experiencing. There is no reason for you to be ashamed, because no one deserves to be abused by anyone for any reason.
If you need further information or assistance, please see below:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.thehotline.org/
Feminist Majority Foundation
http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html
STATISTICS
Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year. Between 100,000 and 6 million men are victims of domestic violence each year. In the United States, in a single day, 3 women and 1 man is murdered by their husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend. Domestic violence kills more women than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. Every 9 seconds a women is assaulted or beaten in the United States. These statistics should get everyone's attention. People with lower incomes (below $25K) are a 3 times higher risk than people with higher incomes (over $50K).
Domestic violence should no longer be an ugly secret. Women are the victims of this abuse much more than men, but men are also victims of abuse in relationships. Typically, men will be less likely to report this kind of abuse due to the stigma of them appearing weak, but the pain is the same for men as it is for women.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PHASES
a. The abuse of the victim - This is the phase where the offender will verbally and/or physically abuse the victim.
b. The feeling of guilt - This is the where the offender begins to feel guilty about abusing the victim. Not because they are necessarily guilty for abusing them, but feeling guilty because of the consequences that could follow for the abuse.
c. They will make excuses - At this phase the abuser will make excuses as to why the abuse happened, and more often than not, they will blame the victim. They will say the victim did or said something to cause the abuser to act violently.
d. They will act normal - The abuser will be the loving person you fell in love with, making you believe that maybe they will not abuse again. You will rationalize that maybe this was an isolated incident. They didn't really mean to hurt me. This phase is what's called the Honeymoon Phase.
c. They will start fantasizing and planning- The abuser will begin to fantasize about the next time you make them angry, even planning the next time in their mind. The next time is usually going to be more violent than the last time.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence understand that there is a way out. You do not have to continue to be abused. The way out may not be easy, but you can find your way to safety. Some things to be mindful of are that when you threaten to leave an abuser, the violence can be dangerous even deadly. If you do decide to leave, make sure you plan your escape in a way to protect yourself from further abuse or possible death. Try not to tell too many people your plans. Keep your future whereabouts on a need to know basis. If you are afraid of what might happen when you leave, you may want to check with your local court and see if you can file a restraining order to keep the abuser away from you. After you leave, do not agree to meet with the abuser. They will sometimes try to get you alone, but do not fall for that. This could be a matter of life and death.
Being a victim of domestic violence can be a scary and lonely experience, but just realize that there are many women across the country experiencing the same thing you are experiencing. There is no reason for you to be ashamed, because no one deserves to be abused by anyone for any reason.
If you need further information or assistance, please see below:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.thehotline.org/
Feminist Majority Foundation
http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html
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